15 September 2010

Wednesday Etiquette

Today's etiquette tips come from Polly Bergen. Well, not so much "etiquette" per se as general life lessons so that one can feel and look young. I must say, something in the book must work as Bergen is still quite the babe at 80! Bergen was a nice Southern girl from Tennessee who moved to big city and became a star. Along the way she made beauty products out of turtle oil and had quite the career. (That is turtle oil, not to be confused with turtle wax, though it might actually work quite well, but I digress...)

In the 70's Bergen wrote several books on "beauty" including Polly's Principles which offers up some sound advice and a good bit of talk about sex. Bergen says of the book:
"This is not exactly a beauty book. It is an intimate conversation between you and me. It may tell you more than you want to know about me, inside and out."

So, here are a few of those things you might not want to know:

Experimentation is the renewal of sexual fulfillment.
It can be small things, like painting your nipples with lipstick.

OK, remember that she was in her 40's when she wrote this book.

If talk during sex is exciting, a woman should learn how to talk.
She should use the vocabulary of explicit sex terminology.

A profound flaw in the book occurs now when Bergen FAILS to provide the gentle reader with a vocabulary list to try out.

Later in the book, Bergen does offer up a list of "Do's and Don't's" for protecting one's hide.

DO use ample bath oils.

DO fight tension and stress.

DO drink lots of water.

DON'T eat improperly.

DON'T expose your skin to too much sun.

All valuable points, indeed. Though not as satisfying as a vocabulary list would have been.

After lamenting on several failed marriages and psychoanalyses, perhaps the best thing one can learn from Bergen is this:
I realized that nobody else can make me bad or good or guilty or unattractive. Only I can do that. If others make me think that way about myself, its because I gave them that power.


  1. Hilarious. Had no idea that Polly Bergen could write such drivel. Yet when she comes out in that Norell
    gown and sings I'm Through With Love, she can be
    forgiven all.

  2. Polly Bergen, My gosh she was great in the movie Cape Fear.
    A talented Lady


  3. This was an absolute stitch! I laughed out loud reading it. Thanks for sharing, including the visual it inspires of Miss Polly Bergen "painting" her nipples with lipstick.


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