Requiescat in Pace -- Letitia Baldrige

We received a somber, early morning call.   It was not about flooding, or weather, or a close friend, but news that Letitia Baldrige had died.  This is the kind of call we get.  It is important news at Lucindaville when such an arbiter of etiquette has departed this earth.

Her death leaves a gigantic void in a world that seems to be devoid of taste or decorum.  As Baldrige stated in 2007,  “Many people feel we’ve lost all sense of taste. Notoriety is what counts, and what sells. As far as excellence, half the people don’t even recognise it when they see it. ”

 Letitia Baldrige is perhaps best known for her tenure as the White House social secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy. While much of the planning of the elaborate White House events were the result of Baldrige's meticulous attention to detail, she always made sure the First Lady received the credit.

While one might think that being such a doyenne of decorum might leave one beyond stuffy, Baldrige was always quick to counteract such claims.  She told the New York Times that after three years as social secretary to the United States ambassador to France, David Bruce and his wife, Evangeline she returned to America, "thoroughly obnoxious, a big blonde snob, really bad news.”   From her own mistake she taught each new social secretary,  “You are the visible face of the White House, president and first lady. You have to be kind to people.”

After a slight of a Pakistani ambassador she tried valiantly to apologize, finally waring him down with a bouquet of roses.   It became a mantra.  If you screw up -- send roses.  Today we are sending roses out to the memory of the incomparable  Letitia Baldrige.

Etiquette Wednesday -- New York Times

Who could resist this article from the New York Times about the demise of manners in the South. It is those damn Yankees coming in and being all rude and such. From now on, you over-paid, raised-by-wolves sports yahoos better remember that a man always gives up his seat for a lady.

Etiquette Wednesday

Your Manners Are Showing, written by that the perky young writer and illustrator Betty Betz will provide your teen-ager with the "bright and breezy low-down on dates, popularity, clothes, jobs, parents, smoking, money, table manners, parties, and dozens of other vital teenage matters."

According to the jacket blurb, Betty Betz is the noted teen-age authority. Written in 1946, this slim volume is aimed at the teenager out there who is treading the murky undercurrent of etiquette. Aided by Anne Clark, who whipped up some nifty little verses to explain various tips along the way, there is nothing the budding teen-ager won't know. It would seem that along with a profound desire to learn manners, teenagers just love to read poetry. Like this one:

Just now the words you'd like to write
Are "dearest, darling, my life's light."
Suppose that in five years or ten
He reads your note aloud -- What then?

While it might have been 1949, one can see that etiquette has many universals. It would be easy enough to update these verses for today's teen-age, like this one:

Just now the words you'd like to tweet
Are, "Send me some photos, topless."
When you meet a prospective employer, My Sweet
You may find yourself jobless.

The previous owner of this book seemed to be having a bit of trouble with conversation and dating as she made a few notes in these particular chapters. She needed to show a bit more animation in her face and concentrate more on the other party. Her temper was also of great concern. Under the following quote is neatly written, "copy this line ten times." The line:

"Be pretty if you can, witty if you must
-- and pleasant if it kills you."

Words to live by.

Etiquette Wednesday

We simply could not let this Wednesday go by without a toast to... well The Toast. My friend, Ann sent along this Washington Post link. Check out Jonathan Capehart's Post article complete with the full video. Obama's been in office for less than three years and he is on his third social secretary.

I say you still can't beat Letitia Baldrige.



Last Wednesday we did not have an etiquette post, but one of our favorite bloggers did. Check out this post by the most darling Reggie Darling. I noticed that it has caused quite a bit of comment!

Etiquette Wednesday -- William & Kate

How could we possibly resist an Etiquette Wednesday with William & Kate after hearing that Buckingham Palace has mailed a 22-page booklet on etiquette to all of the guests invited to the wedding? Some people have found this to be an entertaining, if not laughable gesture. I am not one of them.

While I am sure that Princess Anne knows how to deal with a royal wedding, we must remember that Kate is a commoner and some of William and Kate’s guests are commoner still. So a few tips of the trade are surely welcome and the Palace simply couldn’t send out the list to just a few people, say the Beckhams, so everyone from kings and princesses to the scum of the earth received their 22 pages (provided, of course, that they were invited to the wedding.)

There seemed to be a lot of attention given to protocol surrounding the Queen. She is still quite entrenched in the monarchy of old, so hugs and kisses or high-fives are definitely verboten. Here are some tips:

GREETING & MEETING

How should a man greet the Queen?

A man should give a swift bow of the head, not a bow from the waist when meeting the Queen. Men should also briefly lower their eyes during their greeting, and bow again when the Royal family member leaves.

How should a Woman greet the Queen?

A woman should give a small, dignified curtsey upon meeting the Queen. The move should create a distinct bobbing movement, with the upper body kept straight and should be repeated when the member of the Royal family leaves.

How do you address the Queen?

1. When you meet the Queen, she puts her hand out first and you address her as Your Majesty. In conversation you address her as Ma’am, to rhyme with jam or ham, not palm.”

2. In conversation substitute ‘Your Majesty’ for ‘you’. (As Wendy Williams would say, “How Your Majesty doin’?)

3. Wait for the Queen to initiate conversation and never speak first or ask any personal questions. (Like, “so, your Majesty, how much do you weigh?)

4. Always give the queen space. The sight of anyone apparently touching the Queen with anything more than a limp handshake is enough to send the British (or traditionalists in the old Commonwealth) twittering. (Not in the “tweeting sense, but in talking behind your back sense.)

So, you have a date or a friend by your side, how do you introduce them to The Queen?

Suppose a friend was introducing you, he would simply state your name using the following phrasing: “May I present [substitute date/friend's name here], Your Majesty?”

AT THE WEDDING

How do you enter and leave the Abbey in style?

The Queen is always supposed to enter the abbey last and be the first to depart, so make sure a) you arrive early b) you don’t rush out of the abbey before the Queen.

Guests are asked to arrive at least 20 minutes before the ceremony begins.

As the Queen enters Westminster Abbey, everybody has to acknowledge her arrival with a curtsey or bow as she walks through. The same must happen as she leaves.

DRESSING FOR THE WEDDING

The invitation states the dress code, which must be strictly adhered to if you want to fit in like a pro. In the case of Prince William and Kate’s wedding, the invitation states a traditional wedding dress code called “morning dress.”



Wearing the right hat and not overdoing it is important.

Wearing cream or white is not appropriate. That must be left to the bride.

Men in the Armed Forces should wear uniform and male civilians a lounge or morning suit. A top hat should be carried, not worn, inside the church.

EATING

There will be champagne flowing and you’ve got to hold the glass properly, by the stem.

With teacups, lift the cup not the saucer and hold it very gently with your index finger and thumb, returning the cup to the saucer after every sip.


The BBC has offered up some advice of its own. (And included a place setting diagram that we just love!)

Cutlery Dilemma (Will they use Francis I? Kate’s not Southern!)

It's quite simple - start at the outside and work in as the meal progresses. The soup spoon will always be on the extreme right if soup is the first course. It will be second from the right if served as a second course. Dessert cutlery will always be at the top of the place setting with the fork facing right and the spoon above it facing left.

Drinks Order (Gin and Tonic? No, Which Glass is Which)

Glasses are also placed in the order in which they are used. So, for example, water, champagne, white wine, red wine, dessert wine. A napkin might be placed on the plate or to the left of the forks.


How to eat... (I am not sure asparagus and oysters are on the menu, but just in case…)

Some dishes require their own etiquette.
Bread rolls: don't cut with a knife - break with fingers.
Soup: tip the bowl and scoop the spoon away from you; sip, don't slurp.
Asparagus: eaten with fingers, start with the head.
Oysters: use an oyster fork to detach the oyster from its shell. Hold the shell between thumb and first two fingers, place against lower lip and slide the oyster and its juice out of the half shell. Don't swallow it whole. Chew slowly and savour.



OK, Between Buckingham Palace, the BBC and Me, you are good to go – to the Royal Wedding. And what if you didn’t get invited? Well I suggest you get into your mourning clothes (for you that would be your jammies as the wedding coverage begins at 5:30 AM. As you watch, you can offer up your own etiquette critique to all your friends. And while you are drinking champagne, remember to hold the class by the stem and you will be fine.

P.S. I am beginning to think that everyone who presides over a house be they mom or chatelaine -- should produce their own etiquette booklet for those visitors who might not know how to eat oysters or other things.

Etiquette Wednesday

While much of the etiquette espoused at the turn of the 20th century was a bit fussy, everyone knows the moment one codifies something like etiquette, there will be detractors. In 1906 a satirical etiquette book was published. Entitled Foolish Etiquette and carrying the byline O. B. Hayve, this book provided instruction on some of life's predicaments that have often fallen through the cracks of say an Emily Post.

The book addresses many unusual an oft under-discussed social situations...

Theatre conduct... at a Bernard Shaw Play

When the lines fairly sizzle don't attempt a shocked expression--the fact that you are there is sufficient for the world to know you're over seven.

One can only imagine the etiquette for a production of Hair.

How about this wedding tip...

Mormon tips for Weddings

To avoid jealousy it is well to marry your wives in alphabetical order.

Something Bill Henderson, on Big Love, might have tried. There was Barb, then Nicolette. Then Margene, who was clearly a troublemaker and then there was an attempt to marry Ana which caused untold problems... so clearly this alphabetical thing shows promise.

My favorite piece of advice is how to behave at a...

Cannibal Reception on a South Sea Island

If the daughter of the chief falls in love with the missionary he should remember that it is better to be a husband than a fricassee.

I can't tell you the times I have uttered those exact words.

Etiquette Wednesday -- We Dine On Linen Damask

Today’s Etiquette Wednesday features a small booklet whose introduction is almost as long as the remaining book. The book, published in 1926 by the Irish & Scottish Linen Damask Guild, has a forward was written by none other than Emily Post. Yes, another "Emily" Post. Clearly, if you are interested in the subject of etiquette, you will find yourself with a vast collection of advice, big and small from Mrs. Post.

I will concede that as she became more and more a, or should I say, “the” voice of 20th century etiquette, she took many opportunities to lend her name to commercial endeavors. However, these projects never came with a scintilla of compromise from Mrs. Post.

Mrs. Post’s essay for the Irish & Scottish Linen Damask Guild provides the title to this small booklet – We Dine On Linen Damask. When one reads the essay it is clear that the title is not just a title but an admonition; a “take no prisoners” call to arms for dining etiquette. Here is just the beginning:

We Dine On Linen Damask
by
Emily Post

We dine on linen damask. This is merely a statement of fact – if the house in which we are dining be a perfectly appointed one. Furthermore, if our own house be one of dignity, we breakfast on linen damask. The dignity of dinner demands a linen tablecloth, and, if meticulous, it demands is not for the lace encrusted with needlework but for damask without embellishment other than its quality. No other table covering, no matter how fine or elaborate, satisfies our inherent sense of faultless suitability. In proof of which we need but to find ourselves at a table upon which is spread an unbroken expanse of smooth white tablecloth and to unfold across our knees the enveloping width of a real dinner napkin that is wide enough to tuck in easily at either side, to waken suddenly as though from a dream to the fact that we are not just eating another evening meal, but that in truth we are “dining.”

There are another 13 pages of marching orders on ones linens. The tone remains the same: eat bread and water if that is all you can afford but for the love of propriety, eat it on a damask tablecloth.

You will never grab a paper towel again without the profound shame at your lack of “faultless suitability.”

Wednesday Etiquette

It seems that Emily Post offered her "silverware" etiquette to a silverplate company. If you bought their set of silver, you got detailed instruction from Mrs. Post in the form a booklet with a circle guide for setting the table.

We just love table setting info.

Wednesday Etiquette -- Wife Dressing

The Victoria and Albert Museum is re-issuing a 1950’s fashion gem, Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being A Well Dressed Wife. The book offers “provocative notes for the patient husband who pays the bills.”

The book was written by Anne Fogarty a famous model who turned designer. If you don’t know her name, you will no doubt no her most famous innovation, the Paper Doll Silhouette, which featured a full skirt over masses of petticoats.

At the very beginning, Fogarty sets the tone by telling husbands:

"If you adore her, you must adorn her. There lies the essence of a happy marriage."

She then lays out the rules married girls:

"While the bachelor girl can be a chameleon, forever changing herself over to suit a new whim, a new job, or a new beau, the wife has moved on to better things. She has found her cozy corner and man she wants to share it with. What she must do next is decide how best to dramatize her new role and crystallize her position in terms of her home, her husband, her job if she has one, her friends and business associates."

The true irony of this little book is the fact that while she very “wife” obsessed, her ideas of fashion ring true today. You have to hand it to The Victoria and Albert Museum's publishing arm. They produce some great books and often they do not get the publicity in the U. S. that they get in the U.K. If you have and interest in fashion, decorative arts, or textiles, do bookmark their bookstore. It is one of my first stops when I hit the lottery! Or utill I find that patient husband who wants to pay my bills.

Etiquette Wednesday

Elisabeth Marbury

I have collected old etiquette books for some time, but one has been very elusive. I was interested in the book because of the author, who was not listed. The book, Manners: A Handbook of Social Customs was written in 1888 by Elisabeth Marbury. Marbury was a literary agent who handled big names such as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw. She was a theatrical producer who created the notion of a Broadway musical having a "book" to wrap the songs around. For thirty years, Elisabeth Marbury lived with Elsie de Wolfe.

Bessy and Elise

Recently, after years and years of searching, I found a copy of Manners.


I am the first to admit it is in lousy shape, but it is intact. As often happens with book hounds, we take what we can get in the hope of eventually finding a pristine copy. But now, here are some things you might not know:

In this country (America) it is considered extremely vulgar for coachmen or
grooms to wear cockades on their hats.

A gentleman should never ask to call upon a lady,
but wait for her to signify that his presence in house will be agreeable.

It is the duty of a chaperon to see unmarried ladies safely home.

My personal favorites are Marbury's notes on a simple dinner party with the courses laid out so there will be no confusion. Pay heed for your next soirée.


Courses: For an ordinary dinner the following are enough:

First.- Oysters on the deep half shell, five or six for each person;...

Second.- A soup.

Third.- fish, with which, if in season, cucumber salad should be served.

Fourth.- An entree of some kind.

Fifth.- Meat and vegetables. Two kinds of the latter always sufficient.

Sixth.- A vegetable, such as asparagus, cauliflower, baked tomatoes, artichokes, or small dish of some kind.

Seventh.- Game and salad, or crackers, or cheeses and salad.

Eighth.- A sweet and cake.

Ninth.- Fruit.

Tenth.- Candies, etc.

Now we have a better idea of why Bessy was such a big-boned girl!


And finally, I leave you wanting more... info, not food! There is a wonderful joint bio of Marbury, de Wolfe, Anne Morgan and Anne Vanderbilt entitled, Ladies And Not-So-Gentle Women, by Alfred Allan Lewis. If you love Edith Wharton, Stanford White and New York City, I think this book is a must read.


I have to run as have to check the coachman for cockades. If I catch them with those vulgar hats again, there will be hell to pay!

Wednesday Etiquette

September is National Manners Month*

So remember...

Always say please and thank you

Chew with your mouth closed (especially gum -- really do you need to chew gum in public?)

Ask to be excused from the dinner table (if you do not know where to place your menu card, see above)

Offer food or drinks to guests (or both!)

Open doors for people behind you

Do not stare

Do not point

Apologize to someone if you bump into them (or even if THEY bump into you)

Ladies first (if you are all ladies, try "age before beauty")

Make eye contact when talking to a person

and...

THANK YOU FOR READING LUCINDAVILLE

*September is also National Head Lice Prevention Month and National Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month and Subliminal Communications Month. Do you know what I am thinking? Are you scratching your head?

Wednesday Etiquette

Today's etiquette tips come from Polly Bergen. Well, not so much "etiquette" per se as general life lessons so that one can feel and look young. I must say, something in the book must work as Bergen is still quite the babe at 80! Bergen was a nice Southern girl from Tennessee who moved to big city and became a star. Along the way she made beauty products out of turtle oil and had quite the career. (That is turtle oil, not to be confused with turtle wax, though it might actually work quite well, but I digress...)

In the 70's Bergen wrote several books on "beauty" including Polly's Principles which offers up some sound advice and a good bit of talk about sex. Bergen says of the book:

"This is not exactly a beauty book. It is an intimate conversation between you and me. It may tell you more than you want to know about me, inside and out."

So, here are a few of those things you might not want to know:

Experimentation is the renewal of sexual fulfillment.
It can be small things, like painting your nipples with lipstick.

OK, remember that she was in her 40's when she wrote this book.

If talk during sex is exciting, a woman should learn how to talk.
She should use the vocabulary of explicit sex terminology.

A profound flaw in the book occurs now when Bergen FAILS to provide the gentle reader with a vocabulary list to try out.

Later in the book, Bergen does offer up a list of "Do's and Don't's" for protecting one's hide.

DO use ample bath oils.

DO fight tension and stress.

DO drink lots of water.

DON'T eat improperly.

DON'T expose your skin to too much sun.

All valuable points, indeed. Though not as satisfying as a vocabulary list would have been.

After lamenting on several failed marriages and psychoanalyses, perhaps the best thing one can learn from Bergen is this:

I realized that nobody else can make me bad or good or guilty or unattractive. Only I can do that. If others make me think that way about myself, its because I gave them that power.

Etiquette Wednesday -- Elizabeth Craig

Elizabeth Craig wrote cookery books for almost sixty years. Interspersed into her vast collection on cooking, she also wrote several books on homekeeping and one or two on gardening.



Cookery and Household Management was published as a two volume set consisting of volume of recipes and a second volume with more recipes and a few household tips that every gracious homemaker should know.

Here is Craig’s take on setting a table.

“No table can look attractive unless it looks symmetrical. To achieve a symmetrical effect, arrange china, glass, and silver in a geometrical fashion. Allow, if possible, twenty-four inches to each cover, though sixteen to twenty inches can be allowed when setting for a larger number than usual if your table will not extend.”

And here is advice on heating your dining room. As you will see, it was more of problem in the 1930’s than it is today.

“Besides taking care to see that the table is perfectly laid, every parlourmaid or home-parlormaid should pay attention to the warmth of the dining-room. The temperature of the room can make or mar the finest meal. The temperature of the dinning-room is also very important, especially at dinner-time, and in homes where people still dress for dinner. If electrically heated tell her to switch on 1/2 hour before dinner time in cold weather. If gas heated, allow 1/2 hour to heat. If the dining-room is heated with a fire, she must set a match to it, at least 1/2 hour before announcing dinner, and be sure the fire is glowing a welcome by the time dinner is served.”

I am always amazed that households who had little money for food and even less for adequate heating would still have a parlormaid. This winter I tried valiantly to keep the thermostat set at a balmy 54. Clearly, I didn’t have a lot of dining room company! Still, I am sure I could have pulled off a grand dinner or two if I only had a parlormaid.

I must admit, I desperately want a parlormaid. Perhaps I should advertise on Craig's List?

For a lovely luncheon recipe from Elizabeth Craig, check out today’s Cookbook Of The Day.

Wednesday Etiquette

Today’s Wednesday Etiquette finds us minding our "P's" and "Q's" quite literally as we are looking at grammar as a form of etiquette. We are featuring the charming and unique book, Language Etiquette. Written in 1949, Language Etiquette takes those tried and true adages that make polite society and applies them to our grammar. In a whimsical take on the subject, our lessons are taught in verse. Frankly, it is quite hard to find a book that combines grammar, etiquette and poetry.

J. Martyn and Anna Kathleen Walsh were both high school English teachers. (Well, that should tell you something right there.) They were in charge of both the grammar lessons and the poetry. The quaint and engaging drawings were done by Cyrus LeRoy Baldridge and frankly without the drawings, the book would lose most of its charm.

Confused? Well one really has to experience it fully to truly grasp the power of the poetry.

A hat, you’re told, may introduce
You as a siren or a saint;
But there’s no hat that can reduce
The slouchiness of vulgar ain’t.
Though there’s no one who dares dispute
Illusions of a stylish “lid,”
No hat’s so “darling” or so “cute”
As to camouflage a drab has did.

You say that grammar’s silly stuff
Designed to worry kids in school;
You boast that you speak good enough
And never bother with the rule.
You free your ignorance from blame,
Yet as you blunder lay for lie,
With those who hear you rate the same
As if with knife you ate your pie.

Though you may have “just scads of dough”
And know the art of swanky gear,
All tricks to make the outside glow –
You’ll “flop” if you insult the ear.
You lose prestige in one has did
To put at naught your outward sheen;
You rate a slough with one had did,
A lout, with “them’s the ones we seen.”

Etiquette Wednesday

It’s Wednesday and therefore, time to point you in the direction of mannerly living. Recently, I got a little tome entitled Parlor Amusements and Social Etiquette. It was perfect because I had been wondering where I might find a book that would not only provide instructions on how to behave in church but also provide instructions on how to play a game of bouquet. I also wanted to know how to make New Years Day calls as well a bit of sleight of hand. And I desperately needed to know what causes deformed feet and how to put on a "Punch and Judy" play. Here was everything I needed to know in one little book.

Behavior In Church

As a preliminary, it should be assumed that the right spirit has drawn the worshiper thither and that a reverent attention will be given to the service.

1. If possible, be in time. You need at least five minutes after coming to get warm or cool: to compose your body and mind, and to whisper prayers before the service.
2. Never pass up the aisle during prayer.
3. Be devout in every attitude; all whispering should be seriously avoided …


7. Never put on your coat, overshoes or wraps during the closing hymn.
8. There should be no loud talking and jesting after the service is concluded.

And after a well behaved visit to church a rousing game of Bouquet!

The Game of Bouquet

Each player composes in turn a bouquet of three different flowers, that he names aloud to the person conducting the play. The leader then writes the names of the flowers, and after them the names of three persons in the room. He then demands of the player who has composed the bouquet, what he intends to g do with the flowers, and upon their proposed disposition being declared, the names of the three persons they represent are read aloud.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my copy of the Wii version of the Game of Bouquet.

Wednesday Etiquette -- Reggie Darling

Darlington
Home of Reggie Darling, Boy Fenwick, and Pompey

A lot of our Wednesday Etiquette posts feature doyennes and dowagers. Don't get me wrong, I adore doyennes and dowagers and plan to become one some day. I know some people believe etiquette to be the bastion of doyennes and dowagers but they could not be farther from the truth.

On Tuesday, fellow blogger Reggie Darling posted a little etiquette primer entitled:

Reggie's Rules for Popular Party Guests

I’m sending you to him for your dose of Wednesday Etiquette. While you are there, check out his other great posts.

Etiquette Wednesday -- Joan Crawford

“People are always asking me if there’s anything I regret, or would change.
The answer is no!”

Joan Crawford

Hardly anyone alive remembers Joan Crawford. I can hear you all disagreeing as we speak. Think about it. Do you remember Joan Crawford or do you remember Faye Dunaway AS Joan Crawford? My guess is the latter. I also know that there are a few of you that would rather lose a finger than use wire hangers, so let he who is without sin….


Truth be told (aside from what her kids thought of her), Joan Crawford was a force to be reckoned with. She was an actress who went on to be a formidable business woman in an age when few women would have entertained the idea.

In 1971 she wrote a manifesto My Way of Life that she presented as, “a script for a complete woman.” Here are just some of her tips so you too, can feel complete.

ON BEING A HOUSEGUEST

1. I wouldn’t have –or be- a houseguest if I didn’t know the person very well.
2. I stay out of their hair.

ON PLANNING A MENU

When I plan a menu I consider:
Color -- A red vegetable next to a yellow one looks unappetizing.
Texture – Creamed chicken and mashed potatoes makes too much mush.
Taste – Newer team two sours, two sweets, or two bitters.
Balance – Courses shouldn’t be uniformly rich or light.

ON TASTE

People who have good taste are bound to make a mistake now and then, because they’re human, and when they do it’s a horrendous one.

ON LEARNING

When learning stops, vegetation sets in.



All very good advice. Now that wasn't so bad. Faye Dunaway should be ashamed.

Every time you drink a Pepsi, I want you to think of Joan Crawford.
If you drink Coke, you can think of those polar bears.

Wednesday Etiquette

It's Wednesday, again. I swear it comes around every week. Here's a truly engaging spot of "etiquette" from none other than Philippe Jullian, collector, painter, illustrator, art historian, biographer, novelist, aesthete, and dandy. Clearly he knows a thing or two about etiquette. In the late 50's he wrote a satire published in France as Dictionnaire du Snobisme. In 1958, it was publish in English as The Snob-Spotter’s Guide. It has drawing by Jullian as well as posts by friends including Cecil Beaton and Salvador Dali. As a bonus, it is my favorite -- an abecedary.

America

New York has snobbery but no society.

Etiquette

Etiquette is the barrier which society draws around itself as a protection against offences the "law" cannot touch -- a shield against the intrusion of the impertinent, the improper, and the vulgar -- a guard against those obtuse persons who, having neither talent nor delicacy, would be continually thrusting themselves into the society of men to whom their presence might (from the difference of feeling and habit) be offensive, and even insupportable.

Food and Drink Snobbery

Food and Drink Snobbery is as old as civilization. It has squandered immense fortunes, produced terrible indigestion, nightmares and, at the worst, high doctors' bills and even death.

Kansas City

No American will admit to having been born there.

Literature

Tutoiement

The use of the second person singular or Tu was rare in French society, but is more usual today because a number of foreigners did not understand its rarity.

In England the equivalent of 'tu' is to be called by one's Christian name. Mrs. Keppel, furious at having to entertain a newcomer to her circle, said, 'Dear Maud, may I call you Lady Bloch?'

Etiquette Wednesday -- Elsa Maxwell

Since it is the day before Thanksgiving and also Wednesday, we thought we would provide you with etiquette and entertaining as you approach the holiday. Actually, it might be more “entertainment” than entertaining. If you are facing a family fiasco or “your” friends are bringing “their” friends, just close your eyes and think, “What would Elsa Maxwell be doing…”

Simon Doonan wrote of Elsa Maxwell:

"Even if you took Martha Stewart, Julia Child, Two Fat Ladies, Regine, Suzanne Bartsch, Nigella Lawson, Diane Brill, Carmen D’Allessio, Pat Buckley, Amy Sacco, and Phyllis Diller and threw them all into a gigantic blender, you would still fall short of producing anyone as compelling and scrumptious as the late, great, über-hostess Elsa Maxwell."

While Miss Maxwell is no longer with us, she has left us with the blueprint in How To Do It.



Here is a typical seating arrangement at one of Miss Maxwell's parties.



It seems Stavros Niarchos wasn't invited to the above party, but he did make it to her Tiara Ball.



Here are just a few party pointers from Miss Maxwell that I have translated for Thanksgiving:

Avoid people with causes to boost or grievances to air.

(Since it’s Thanksgiving and you are probably having the family in, rest assured there are grievances and at least one PETA pushing adolescent. Sorry)

Avoid the very shy, uncertain, introverted types.

(Seat them at the kids table.)

I always make it a point, for instance, even in a predominantly eggheaded group, to have a smattering of beautiful women regardless of whether they are dumbbells or not (and
most beautiful women are not very bright.)

(Remember, Elsa Maxwell tipped the scale at about 300 pounds, so she might be bitter, still when you tell this story and your brother’s girlfriend asks, “Who is Elsa Maxwell? “, feel free to move them to the kids table.)

As for the limits of age, there are none.

(Bravo Elsa. Feel free to move two young folk from the kids table to the big table. Pick the boy who laughed when the girlfriend asked “Who’s Elsa” and the overweight niece who can program your Blackberry.)


Miss Maxwell called on some of her friends to provide the recipe selections in How to Do It. The ever-emaciated Mrs. T. Reed Vreeland (Deeeahhna to her friends) actually stole this recipe from Elsie de Wolfe.

Consomme Vért-Pré

Make a very good rich bouillon. Add enough spinach to color it green, and just before serving add finely chopped fines herbes. Serve hot or cold.

(This is the perfect dish for PETA lovers and super-models. In a pinch, add one vegetable bouillon cube to a quart of hot water. When it is dissolved, add 1 oz. of green food coloring. Voilà, Consomme Vért-Pré. Don’t worry what people think. You know in your heart the model will dump your brother before Christmas.)


Now get out there and entertain!

Etiquette Wednesday

Jesse Browner wrote this charming little book on hospitality entitled The Duchess Who Wouldn't Sit Down. The title comes from an incident at Versailles. My fault with this book, like so many others, is he lack of an index. Also, especially since the story of the Duchess is the title story, he never fully names her and frankly, she suffered enough without even allowing us her full name.

Well here it is, the Duchess in question was Princess Suzanne Henriette of Lorraine-Elboeuf. She was the second wife of Duke Charles Ferdinand. I searched for an image of her, but to no avail. Of course, there is a big old picture of him.

At Versailles, where one sat was of the utmost importance and followed a rather strict code. There were four types of seats and when to sit in them had a great deal to do with whether or not the king was in attendance. Like mush of etiquette it is nuanced and rather complicated but here is the brief version:

There are four types of seats:

The Armchair -- reserved for the King and Queen.

The Straight Backed Chair -- armless chairs reserved for the prince and princess of the blood, cardinals, foreign princes, and duchesses.

Tabouret -- a low stool with fixed legs which was the most fluid of the seating options. Generally, it was reserved for dukes, foreign princes, Spanish grandees, and noblewomen. Madame de Sévigné referred to the stool as the "sacred tabouret" because, while one could never become King, one could be made a duchess. The phrase "take the tabouret" came to mean to assume one's position at court.

Ployants and placets -- folding stool and cushion, respectively. Courtiers were allowed to sit on these while everyone else was required to stand.




The Duchess of Mantua visited Versailles expecting the full regalia of her rank. She expected to be seated in a straight-backed chair befitting a duchess, instead she was offered a tabouret. She refused to be seated on the stool. She was sent from court, which ruined her social standing. Though she tried to regain some semblance of standing, she never did and died at the rip old age of twenty-five.

While the Duchess of Mantua was correct in demanding her chair, she forgot she was dealing with Louis XIV, who believed himself invincible and above the prescribed etiquette of the day.

In the end, one should remember that phrase that Mama always repeated, "Sit where you are told to sit."