Etiquette Wednesday

Elisabeth Marbury

I have collected old etiquette books for some time, but one has been very elusive. I was interested in the book because of the author, who was not listed. The book, Manners: A Handbook of Social Customs was written in 1888 by Elisabeth Marbury. Marbury was a literary agent who handled big names such as Oscar Wilde and George Bernard Shaw. She was a theatrical producer who created the notion of a Broadway musical having a "book" to wrap the songs around. For thirty years, Elisabeth Marbury lived with Elsie de Wolfe.

Bessy and Elise

Recently, after years and years of searching, I found a copy of Manners.


I am the first to admit it is in lousy shape, but it is intact. As often happens with book hounds, we take what we can get in the hope of eventually finding a pristine copy. But now, here are some things you might not know:

In this country (America) it is considered extremely vulgar for coachmen or
grooms to wear cockades on their hats.

A gentleman should never ask to call upon a lady,
but wait for her to signify that his presence in house will be agreeable.

It is the duty of a chaperon to see unmarried ladies safely home.

My personal favorites are Marbury's notes on a simple dinner party with the courses laid out so there will be no confusion. Pay heed for your next soirée.


Courses: For an ordinary dinner the following are enough:

First.- Oysters on the deep half shell, five or six for each person;...

Second.- A soup.

Third.- fish, with which, if in season, cucumber salad should be served.

Fourth.- An entree of some kind.

Fifth.- Meat and vegetables. Two kinds of the latter always sufficient.

Sixth.- A vegetable, such as asparagus, cauliflower, baked tomatoes, artichokes, or small dish of some kind.

Seventh.- Game and salad, or crackers, or cheeses and salad.

Eighth.- A sweet and cake.

Ninth.- Fruit.

Tenth.- Candies, etc.

Now we have a better idea of why Bessy was such a big-boned girl!


And finally, I leave you wanting more... info, not food! There is a wonderful joint bio of Marbury, de Wolfe, Anne Morgan and Anne Vanderbilt entitled, Ladies And Not-So-Gentle Women, by Alfred Allan Lewis. If you love Edith Wharton, Stanford White and New York City, I think this book is a must read.


I have to run as have to check the coachman for cockades. If I catch them with those vulgar hats again, there will be hell to pay!